You Don't really know what to do.

.3. I don't. But I can try.

Almost every night, I send out notes. 8 notes to 8 diffent people, and we all meet together for a chat, could be fun like most times, could be sad or quiet. You never know what will happen.

But idk, a chat today made me think. A lot, about myself. And what I do and say. Mostley here on the internet, where I can be anybody I want to be. Say anything I want to and do almost anything. But I have seem to forgoten that other people are here too. Even if I talked to them everyday I forgot a bit.

I love to write, to draw and to create my ocs. I love my ocs, too much. I am too atached to them to the point were they are a huge part of my life.

And I love to talk about them, too much. When I rp, and yes I do rp. I tend to... well I guess I take control over the rp at one point. I push my way forward through the others and make my character talk the most, decide what happens and sometimes am the hero of it all. And I need to be reminded that others are here too.

I've seen my friends say things that hit me like a brick. Yet I know they don't realize it or mean it. And I do not blame them for anything but telling the truth.

I will do a lot of things to get attention, good attention. From adults, other people my age, my friends people I don't know or strangers on the internet, I just love it because it makes me feel good. But I guess you can say I woke up today, from the dream I had been in for a long time.

I looked back to the past chats and comments. A real emotional rp once happened that mostly involved two of my friends, and I could see while I enjoyed it, some were annoyed by it. It happens a lot now that I think about it.

And I don't know who is really listning when I spill my worries to them. Are you listning? Or just going along with it and nodding your head because that's what everyone else is doing, and are they doing it because they are expected too? I can't tell who is really intrested anymore and who is just like "oh cool!" and "okay!" and then goes back to there conversations.

The only reason I am writing this journal is because it gives someone the option to read it if they want, and they can decide to get involved if they wish, they are not forced too.

But for the most part, I think I'm going to stop chatting. Maybe a quick hello here and there, but no more rps, no more Join.Me's, because I don't want to interupt your time, or 'steal your thunder' I might post things or keep writing but I'm not sure. Maybe it's just time I tunr off my computer and go back to listning to music and reading books.

I really only know of one friend who loves to listen what I have to say, and I know it's true because they come up and ask me about them when I might be watching tv, or doing somethign else not related to my characters, or my chats or stories. The rest of the time, I'm just to sensitive to comments and sayings now.

So I guess bye for a while.

~Sin~

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